I’ve begun having nightmares about the backs of my thighs. They wobble. They pucker. They pool in bucket seats, overspill the edges of wooden stools and squish through the mesh of my Mirra chair.

They’re not large, not compared to transatlantic jets or sperm whales, but the fat content outweighs the muscle and bone content by about two-to-one, and that’s not good.

Even before the nightmares I’d already been playing around with the idea of dieting, or rather, eating better. Hell, I’m going to Spain in a month for a wedding. When I’m there I’ll see people who last laid eyes on me when I was 25 and in the best shape of my life. Dieting isn’t an option, it’s a necessity.

But it’s not one of my strengths, self-control. I’ve had success with, and actually enjoy, the Atkins approach; fewer carbs, lose weight fast. But I’ve done it so often it’s boring. So a week ago I bought French Women Don’t Get Fat by Mireille Guillano, which sounded like a diet I could enjoy. For one thing, we share the same attitude towards dieting. It’s far more successful if it’s not considered a diet. Think of it as living life well, as opposed to punishing yourself, and you’re more likely to continue the modified food intake. It is not a diet. It is a philosophy of life. Check.

So, I bought it. I read it. I buy into it. And the first step?

Leek soup.

Let me give you the short (and, coincidentally, the long) version of this recipe: Put leeks in pot. Add water. Boil. Simmer. Cool. Drain (reserve liquid). Drink.

Annnnnnd that’s it. You make this “soup” (c’mon, it’s leek water! LEEK WATER!) and ingest nothing else for two days. Just leek water every few hours and if you’re really jonesing for the hard stuff, you get half a cup of mushy leeks with some olive oil and lemon juice to tide you over.

I’m going to go for it—I have the leeks. I start tomorrow.

But here’s the question, the reason I turned to the world wide interweb just now for some fancy Google footwork: Why the hell can’t you season this soup?

Would a little thyme really kill the diet? Pepper? I get that salt’s going to do that water-retention thing you’re trying to avoid by drinking a whole mess of leek juice, but surely plain tarragon would zip right through.

I could not find the answer, so I’m going to experiment and see what I can learn on my own. I will begin with plain leek juice, then add herbs and spices on subsequent trips back to the leeky well. I’ll let you know how it goes.

But first I’m going to go scarf an avocado. With salt. And a chocolate chaser.

Ever wondered about urban fantasy - as in, what the heck is it? Here’s the most understandable definition I’ve ever seen. A big thank you to the editors at Ellora’s Cave!

Now - does anyone disagree with this definition? I’m not familiar enough with the subgenre to have an opinion, but I’m interested.

UPDATE: Just found another very interesting post on a similar topic from an editor at Juno Books called Notes on “Urban Fantasy” & Roots of Kickassitude.

My brother recently did some puppeteering work on this music video. Nothing to do with anything, but I think it’s cool so I’m sharing. Go bro!

(It’s the Grayboy Allstars “Still Waiting” video, btw.)

I just got word that the workshop I’m presenting with my good friend Emma Clair at the RWA national conference in San Francisco has been scheduled. Hooray! Our talk is on “Creating a Web Presence.” We’ll discuss how to set up a site of your own and what’s necessary at each stage of your writing career - when you’re first starting out, as you begin submitting to agents and editors, and of course post-publication. Both Emma and I are looking forward to answering everyone’s questions. We’ve given this talk twice now and the audience interaction is our favorite part.

So, drumroll…. our talk is currently scheduled for Friday, August 1, from 2-3pm. I hope to see you there!

I’ve only watched this once and I’m sure there are plenty of peeps out there dissecting it for its political import and savviness. What interested me was how watchable this speech feels in comparison to others I’ve seen in my lifetime.

I thought I was going to see a rebuttal: Obama proving he had nothing to do with his pastor’s inflammatory statements. But this isn’t a politician’s speech; it’s a statesman’s, a masterful piece of speechwriting worth watching for its elegant patterns and escalating progression of thought. If you haven’t taken the time to see it, grab yourself 35 minutes and do so now. You can read the full text here.

Check this out - you can help with proofreading the books that are being prepared for Project Gutenberg’s free archives. The site isn’t the most intuitive I’ve ever used, but the satisfaction that comes from helping this noble effort is well worth the trouble.

Distributed Proofreading site

Project Gutenberg

Who needs more than a pen and a wordprocessor, right?

Right.

When I started writing, I thought that Word would be enough. Then I read a book that recommended outlining your story using index cards. Once you had your notes down, you could easily move them all around on a big corkboard to rearrange your story. So much easier than printing out actual scenes and rearranging them!

But not so easy to take with you - on the corkboard - to a coffee shop. And guess what happens once you take those cards off the corkboard? Yeah. Order, schmorder. I ended up with piles of index cards laying around my office - index cards with post-its attached, no less. Colorful but sad.

Then I heard a rumor that FinalDraft, the popular software program for screenwriters, had a ‘cards’ feature which would virtualize - huzzah! - my card dilemma. Some dollar$ later, I had hacked my way to a standstill. FinalDraft is just dandy - if you use it as it’s meant to be used. One day I’ll be writing a screenplay with it.

I was back to Microsoft Word and cards until one magical day I wandered into the wonderful world of SuperNoteCard. A program that’s actually meant for novelists sick of using index cards! for only $29! It has a few flaws and isn’t entirely intuitive, but it’s pretty damned great and helped me enormously as I made my way through First Draft in 30 Days, outlining my little heart out.

Then today as I was reading Nathan Bransford’s blog - ahem, writing - I came across a comment that led me to yWriter.

(The above pic is a screenshot of a yWriter storyboard showing scene progression arranged by POV.)

From my initial forays, this is the program of programs. It combines the best of SuperNoteCard - easy shuffling of scene order, ability to cross-reference settings, characters and objects, and an encapsulated view of my entire humongous manuscript - with the other key elements I’d hoped SNC would provide: a built-in scene timeline, POV indicators and chart, and a way to both describe a scene and write a scene on one “card.” Plus, drag-and-drop! And it’s FREE!

One caveat - the person who initially recommended this program did have an issue where they lost a draft of their manuscript due to a crash. Taking that into account, I’m backing up frequently. But I don’t think I’m going to stop using this program anytime soon.

Unless, of course, there’s something better out there. Anyone?

*** UPDATE ***

Nope, nothing bad - I’m even more convinced of the loveliness of yWriter. I just corresponded with Simon Haynes, the writer and software developer who created this in his (spare!?) time, and he’s very nice. He’s even set up a Google Group where users can go to request features and chat with each other about how great the tool is - check it out here: http://groups.google.com/group/ywriter. I’ve also learned that the software has received a 4-star review at PCMag, a very prestigious computer magazine. Congrats, Simon!

Apparently Spanish royalty with a side helping of virgin bride is hawt. I found these two titles cozying up next to each other in my local supermarket and paused to record the moment.

Is virginity really that appealing? America says Ye$!

* LATE ADDITION *

While I was at the supermarket reeling under the combined weight of a Spanish duke and Spanish prince, this article from our pals at MSNBC discussing Americans’  love for virginity was - ahem - ripping around the interweb. I could say things, but won’t bother, as the ladies over at SmartBitches have said it all.

I love reading Reuter’s Oddly Enough column. (And A.P. News, when it comes to that. Sometimes it’s equally odd.) I find myself laughing out loud and semi-shocked at the real-life stories that seem ripped from the pages of a romance novel or film.

For instance, two machete-wielding robbers breaking into a club without realizing 50 bikers were meeting in a private room. One ended up hog-tied, the other leapt over a balcony and was chased down by the cops. Can you picture it? Balaclava-clad robbers burst into main room - shock, horror on patrons’ faces. Weeny bartender pokes head into private room: we’re being robbed! Cut to shot of fifty leather-clad bikers engaged in some Roberts-rules-of-order-type activity rising slowly from long benches, fists clenched. “Oh, yeah?” One thief flies over balcony, the other disappears in a pile of Man. But for real! It happened!

Or the 39-year-0ld man who dressed up in a school uniform and wig and tried to pass himself off as a Japanese schoolgirl, only to have all the little schoolgirls run shrieking from him everywhere he went. (I like to imagine they also flapped their little schoolgirl hands over their schoolgirl heads.) This guy didn’t stand a chance.

Who needs fiction? Honestly.

Get your definitions on. FreeRice.com.  My highest level so far is 50 but by god I’m not stopping until I hit 55. Even if that takes the rest of my natural life. Which it might.